Being a Little Selfish

Forgive my typing today, my Quotation/Apostrophe key is not working.


Last night Steve tried to tell me about a race somewhere that a car, maybe a winner - I dont know, had Autism puzzle pieces covering it.  I said something like Oh thats nice and then continued with really he supports Autism Awareness?  I can put a bunch of stickers on my car and drive around supporting Autism Awareness too but its not going to help me, not going to help Mitchell.  Its not going to help him get more therapy or pay for it and its not going to help me spend more time with the other kids instead of watching him 24/7 or pay to hire someone to do one or the other or even help me find a responsible person I feel is suited to watch him.


At this stage of the game I really dont care about supporting awareness on a grander level.  My concern is  Mitchell, here & now.  It may be selfish but he is my cause, not Autism in general.  I have always found it funny that there is a saying - If youve met 1 child with Autism, youve met 1 child with Autism.  Meaning they are all different, no 2 children have the same traits all together.  But yet we are lumped as a community of Autism and somehow supposed to support all things Autism and I have trouble with that.


For the last 5 1/2 yrs I have searched for a child like Mitchell.  Through individual therapies, play groups, school and social outings I still havent found anyone who is the same.  At first I was looking for support from someone who new exactly what we were going through and could relate on all levels. Then I wanted to find someone with maybe an older child who could provide us with hope for a bright future and tell us everything was going to be ok and get better, much better, so we could sleep easier because it would all be fine.  Neither of those searches turned out very well.  He is one of a kind, all children with Autism are one of a kind.  Typical children are too, dont get me wrong, but their uniqueness usually helps them thrive and move ahead in life.  The unique traits a child with Autism have usually hinders their ability to function in the world and limits their independence.


Lately I have become an Its Us Against the World type of person.  Its what gets me through the day and helps me sleep at night.  If I waited around for other people to advocate for my son, he would miss out on much needed intervention.  What happens in our world - our city, home, therapy and school - is what impacts Mitchell the most - not people understanding differences better or deals being made in governments to swap out what they feel is best for people with disabilities.  I understand that exposure and money is what makes things happen on a larger level but that is someone elses fight.  My fight is for Mitchell and my family.

So......this is where my selfishness comes in.  Since this is all about us, which I would have it no other way - I have noticed myself distancing from others who dont share my (our) views on what is best for our situation.  All his lumping of people with Autism together seems to blur the lines of the extreme differences amongst them.  The cause of Mitchells Autism, his symptoms and traits are his, no one elses, and too assume you would know what is best for him without being his parent, teacher, family member or therapist is close to like the saying goes ........makes an ass out of you (not me).  I will be selfish and choose not to share or engage anymore and I will not continue to justify my words or actions to anyone else, I spend enough time trying doing that in my own head.



I believe all parents deserve to be a little selfish at times.